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Hello. How can be of help to you today?

Shaun groaned. He’d thought that clicking on the chat icon at the bottom of the page would connect him to a real live person. But no-one he knew spoke like that.

‘I want to talk to someone about my internet connection.’

He watched as the cursor fluttered for a heartbeat before a flurry of words appeared on the screen.

I may be able to assist you with your enquiry. What seems to be the issue?

Shaun scrolled back up to the top of the screen. Had he seen a contact number somewhere? Or was it a button that he needed to click to get someone to call him back. Eventually.

The screen seemed to shimmer and there was a loud beep, so he scrolled back down to the chat box.

Please outline the issue, and the steps you have taken to try to resolve the problem.

His fingers jabbed at the keys as he tapped his reply. ‘The internet connection keeps dropping out. I’ve turned the modem on and off, but it’s still patchy.’ Shaun flexed his fingers as he watched the chat box, waiting for a reply.

Have you removed the power cable from your modem for 10 seconds, plugged it back in and waited for 60–120 seconds to confirm it has rebooted?

He was typing his reply as soon as the message came through. ‘Yes. I’ve done all that. Still not working. Can someone please call me to troubleshoot?’

Let me see how I can help.

‘No. I want to talk to someone.’ Shaun drummed his fingers in frustration, waiting for whatever the chatbot had to say next.

I have submitted a request for a colleague to contact you.

At this, Shaun groaned. If he got a call from some sort of automated entity, he may just blow a gasket. How could technology solve a technical problem? Surely human interaction would be required at some point.

Meanwhile, could I ask you to try the requested steps once more?’

Shaun laughed aloud, and his dog appeared at the door of the home office. He reached out a hand to pat Benji, his boxer, and felt a little calmer. Breathing in and out before he placed his hands back on the keyboard, he replied. ‘But that will disconnect me from this chat.’

The cursor blinked for nearly a minute before the words appeared on the screen.

I have all of your contact details, Shaun. I commit to reconnect with you.

With a sigh, Shaun went through the disconnection process again. It was nearly 10 minutes before he had reconnected, and it seemed like everything was working. He opened up a browser window and there was the chat from before.

Is everything to your satisfaction, Shaun?

That seemed a little intrusive. And maybe a bit creepy. ‘It all seems to be working. Thanks.’

The cursor flickered.

You are so very welcome.

This piece was written to a prompt on the Writer’s Digest website. The Honest A.I.: write about someone who has a much-needed conversation with an A.I.

Photo: old telephone exchange desk, West Wyalong Museum